i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.