OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
