i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
