yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
