You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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