The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
