ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
