I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
