The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
