I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
