She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize