In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
