I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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