You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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