I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We got so high we made milksteak
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
