That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
