this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
