he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
