I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
be right there i have to get my cape
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
