I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need to stop coming to work sober
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
