dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm always down for nudity.
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