Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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