if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ketchup is God's man juice
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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