i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
