I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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