I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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