i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
