my mouth tastes like poor choices
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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