eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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