We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
