you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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