talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize