I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
