I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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