Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
These tits shall not be calmed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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