I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
