So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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