I've blown a few things in my day
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
