Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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