I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
