I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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