I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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