Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
