and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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