my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
