i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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