it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
