I think the camel was justified in biting me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
