How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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