I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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