i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
