TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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