made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love having hate sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
