I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
