i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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