lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
