Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
where am i from again
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
