Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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