woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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