She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think your dad took our porno
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
