This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
