now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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