Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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