it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize