Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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