My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
