uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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