I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
