hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
