he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
