she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
