Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
