I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
