Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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