no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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